Kindness to the Wife brings Joy to Life
A Muslim wife occupies a special position in society
In Islam a husband is required to treat his wife with affection, respect her feelings, and show her kindness and consideration. The husband should not show the wife any aversion (dislikeness) or subject her to suspense or uncertainty. These guiding principles are established from the Quran and Sunnah and when implemented, bring about a great deal of peace and harmony in marriage.
Wife as a Source of Peace
Allah says in the Noble Quran “And among His signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find contentment in them, and He has instilled between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for people who reflect”. (Quran 30:21)
For a wife to become a source of relaxation and contentment she has to be in a peaceful relationship. Therefore the treatment of the husband to the wife is of great significance in realizing this purpose.
A husband’s treatment towards his wife should reflect a Muslim’s good character, which in turn is a reflection of the man’s faith. In this regard the Prophet (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wasalaam) said “The best among you are those who are best to their family and I am the best to my family.” (Tirmizi, ibn Majah)
Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning." (Bukhari Book 54 Hadith # 460)
Kind treatment generates true and deep seated love for the husband in the wife’s heart. The wife in turn becomes eager and enthusiastic to serve her husband and accords him the honour and respect he deserves.
The Wife – The best human being one can benefit in this World
'Abdullah b. Amr reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman (Muslim 8/3465-Marriage Kitab Al Nikah)
The potential to become a source of true pleasure is vested in every wife. It is the responsibility of the husband to unlock this potential and utilize it for the benefit of his own life and that of his family.
Kindness and More Kindness….
Allah Ta'ala says “…And live with them (your wives) in kindness…” (Quran 4:19)
By living with her in kindness, fulfilling her needs and giving her support, the husband becomes instrumental in her achieving the noble reward from All-Mighty Allah. The husband by virtue of his kindness earns the happiness of his family and in turn draws closer to Allah Ta’ala. By adopting the correct approach surely the husband can earn the status of being the best among people for his kindness towards his wife.
Prophet Mohammed (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wasalaam) said, “A’isha Verily Allah is Kind, and He loves kindness….. ” (Muslim Bk 032, Hadith # 6273)
Prophet Mohammed (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wasalaam) said, “Be gentle and calm, O A’isha, as Allah likes gentleness in all affairs ….. ” (Bukhari Bk 75, Hadith # 404)
Muslims, men and women are ordered to be trustworthy Allah says,
“They are garments for you and you are garments unto them” (Quran 2:187.
The husband and wife are likened to garments unto each other. They guard each other’s respect, honour and dignity. They do not divulge their shortcomings and imperfections to others. The husband should be cautious and particular in this regard and not do or say things that would hurt the wife’s feelings. There is much reward in the concealment of a person’s shortcomings, more so with regards to the wife.
Clearly this is one of the most important aspects of Islam. Whoever does not forgive – will not be forgiven. This comes from Allah, Himself. We must learn to forgive each others for a good relationship. " (Muslim Book 008 Hadith 3469) Narrated Abu Huraira(R.A) The Prophet said, "A woman should not fast (optional fasts) except with her husband’s permission if he is at home (staying with her)." (Bukhari Book 62 # 120
Narrated 'Aisha: Allah's Apostle said, "When a woman gives in charity some of the foodstuff (which she has in her house) without spoiling it, she will receive the reward for what she has spent, and her husband will receive the reward because of his earning, and the storekeeper (House Hold or Maid or Khaddama) will also have a reward similar to it. The reward of one will not decrease the reward of the others . " (Bukhari Book 24 Hadith #506 and Muslim Book 005 Hadith # 2232)
Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "If the wife gives of her husband’s property (something in charity) without his permission, he will get half the reward." (Bukhari Book 64 Hadith # 273)
Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: The Prophet said: "I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful." It was asked, "Do they disbelieve in Allah?" (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, "They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, 'I have never received any good from you."
(Bukhari Book 2 hadith # 28)
Terms of Peace
And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion on her husband’s part, there is no sin on them both if they make terms of peace between themselves; and making peace is better. And human inner-selves are swayed (influenced) by greed. But if you do good and keep away from evil, verily, Allah is Ever Well-Acquainted with what you do. (Quran 4/128)
(34) Narrated Aisha: Regarding the explanation of the following verse:-- "If a wife fears Cruelty or desertion On her husband’s part." (4.128) A man may dislike his wife and intend to divorce her, so she says to him, "I give up my rights, so do not divorce me." The above verse was revealed concerning such a case
. (Bukhari Book 43 hadith # 630)
Every body is responsible and Guardian How?
Narrated 'Abdullah: Allah's Apostle said, "Everyone of you is a guardian and is responsible for his charges. The ruler who has authority over people, is a guardian and is responsible for them, a man is a guardian of his family and is responsible for them; a woman is a guardian of her husband’s house and children and is responsible for them; a slave ('Abu) is a guardian of his master's property and is responsible for it; so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your charges." (Bukhari Book 46 Hadith # 730)
The mischief of Iblis-Who is nearer to Iblis in rank ?
Jabir reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: iblis places his throne upon water; he then sends detachments (for creating dissension) ; the nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension. One of them comes and says: I did so and so. And he says: You have done nothing. Then one amongst them comes and says: I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and a wife. The Satan goes near him and says: 'You have done well. A'mash said: He then embraces him. (Muslim Book 039 #6755)
Overall Good Treatment
Our Creator knows well that human beings have certain weaknesses and deficiencies and are prone to err. Therefore Allah Ta'ala guides the husband by saying, “…communicate with them (wives) in kindness, for if you dislike them (for some deficiency) then perhaps you may dislike (a trait) wherein Allah has placed in it much good.” (Quran 4:19)
It is the collective right of the wife to be treated well in all aspects of daily life. The husband should interact with her in a well-mannered way with a flexible attitude, sweet words and a smiling face.
The Seerah (life) of the Prophet (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wasalaam) is filled with his noble character of gentleness towards his people, his excellent conduct towards his wives, to the extent that he used to help them with their household chores and engaged in lighthearted activities
The true strength of man is not measured by his physical firmness; rather he is gauged by his strength to show character in adverse situations
You get respect, when you give respect. This is mandatory for all Muslims toward all people, including your parents, relatives and your in-laws, your own family specially wife and children.
May Allah Ta’ala grant every husband the ability to treat his wife with kindness and compassion.